“Don’t use words like that, because they upset people” she said. This was a professional round-table and I was raising hell. Doom and gloom with high skepticism. My job is to raise concerns about issues in day-to-day operations. I’m the numbers guy. Numbers don’t lie. They’re black and white and I wish people were too.
Truth be told I use my whiny mood to make people angry so I get my way. I’m 26, but behaved like a little brat among other seasoned managers.
I’ve been treated with a lot of respect at this job. My ideas and professionalism usually take off and I earn my seat at the table. I’ve been working here only 4 months but it feels like ages. I put my head down and sweat till the last minute making sure my contribution improves my environment every day. My name has gone around very fast people have been impressed with my work. A smile and optimism on my face.
Now I’ve let everyone see a different side of me. The childish emotional brat that wants to get his way. “I’m not concerned about upsetting people, as much as I am concerned doing my job” I said. Wow. It was high school all over again. Anger has served me as a defense mechanism, because I never felt that I was getting the right attention. Now that I had the attention i blew it. I was too afraid to be treated like a child among adults, so I made myself look like one. It was a weird feeling. I realized i had gone down the wrong road and couldn’t take it back.
I was trying to hold on to some resources. I thought they were going to take away one of my best team players for a project. I went on full defense mode and imagined the worst possible outcome with the worst possible intent. I forgot that I don’t work alone. I forgot that I am part of a bigger team, project and company. The success of the company benefits me. I forgot that collective pride is better than small petty shit. I was always left out from the bigger picture growing up, so my selfish ways set in. I completely compromised the high standard I set for myself. I spent the weekend nervous as to whether or not they will treat me the same way again. This is adulthood and people treat you like you wanna be treated.
It hit me that this isn’t the situation when people dismiss you as a child. This wasn’t at school when I didn’t care what people thought of me. I betrayed the professional intelligent man I have become, for the fundamentally insecure teen I used to be. I’m not used to be taken seriously, so I got scared and tried anyways.
It matters that you do not upset others. It matters to be concerned about others emotions. It matters to be human and treat others as such. It matters to treat yourself like a human too.
Categories: Emotional ignorance